5 ½ Things You Should NEVER Do With Your Knives
Hey there, fellow knife-wielder! If you want to keep your blades sharp, your fingers intact, and avoid becoming a kitchen horror story, here’s a hilariously simple guide to what not to do with your knives. Think of these as the “knife commandments.”
1. Don’t Pry, Stab, or Play Detective
Your knife is a tool, not a crowbar or a key to uncover ancient secrets. If you try to pry open jars, unstick something, or “just poke it,” you’re one step away from snapping the tip off your blade—and your dreams of being a kitchen ninja. Pro tip: if you do break it, send it in for repairs. We won’t judge (well, maybe a little).
2. Say NO to Stone and Glass Cutting Boards
You wouldn’t race your car over a gravel road, so why would you drag your poor knife across a glass or granite cutting board? Not only does it dull your blade faster than you can say, “Oops,” but it’s also a recipe for disaster when your knife slips and suddenly you’re auditioning for a horror movie. Stick to trusty wood or plastic boards—they’re like a spa day for your knife.
3. Don’t Go All Jack Frost on Frozen Foods
Unless you have a vendetta against your knife, stop hacking at frozen blocks of food like it owes you money. Frozen food is the silent killer of blades, chipping them like they’re made of crackers. Let your food thaw or use a heavy-duty tool meant for the job. (Seriously, your knife will thank you.)
4. The Dishwasher is a NO-KNIFE ZONE
Tossing your knives into the dishwasher might feel like a time-saving genius move, but here’s what’s actually happening: they’re partying too hard in there, banging into other utensils, and dulling themselves into oblivion. Oh, and the heat? It’s basically a sauna from hell for your knife handles. Hand wash them, dry them, and tuck them away like the culinary royalty they are.
5. Store Them Wet and Regret It Forever
You know what happens when you put your knives away wet? Rust. Mold. Bacteria. Basically, your knife becomes a science experiment. After washing, dry your knives like you’re polishing a crown jewel, and store them safely. (Nobody likes a rusty knife, trust me.)
6. Your Knife is NOT a Box Cutter
We get it, boxes are annoying. But using your chef’s knife to slice through packing tape? That’s like using your iPhone to hammer a nail. Tape residue gums up your blade, and cutting cardboard will dull it faster than your in-laws’ stories. Grab some scissors or a box cutter—your knives have better things to do.
Follow these rules, and your knives will live long, happy, and sharp lives. Break them? Well, your knife might “mysteriously” turn dull, rusty, or even break. Coincidence? We think not.
